I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
