Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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