I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
