Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
