and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
