I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
