I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
