You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I touched a dick in church today
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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