I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
