I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
