I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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