god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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