i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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