Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
operation harelip BJ is a go
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
