I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
