she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
