K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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