He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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