Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
