My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
