Whod you bang
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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