How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
