The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You're like the curious george of whores
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
