I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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