Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
