...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
