3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
