Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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