remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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