dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
