Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
