He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
