Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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