I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
