Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
