mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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