so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
