Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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