Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My liver just broke up with me...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
