Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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