hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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