she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
