I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize