so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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