I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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