I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Boobs speak an international language.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
