I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
