I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
