So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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