i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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