you guys were way drunker than both of me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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