Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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