She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
