she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
