What a fucking waste of an outfit
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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