I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
