Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
