he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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