Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
