You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I didn't notice because vodka
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
