Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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