Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
