My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
