All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize