I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
