I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
