Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
