I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
