you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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