The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
